Why does it seem that The Inner-Critic (TIC) has a much stronger influence on our lives?
TIC talks us out of many things from getting a new job, asking someone out, wearing a certain outfit, speaking out, drawing, writing, etc, etc, etc. TIC typically plays off of our weaknesses and knows how to push our buttons.
The Inner Best-Friend (TIBF) knows what our weaknesses are and points out our strengths. TIBF will certainly call us out on our BS yet does so with love in their heart.
TIBF builds us up while TIC tears us down.
As we were wrapping up in yoga class yesterday afternoon, the instructor invited us to acknowledge TIC’s voice and then let it go.
Next, she encouraged us to tune into TIBF’s voice and actually pause and LISTEN.
After I spent some time with TIC and TIBF, I started to wonder: why is it that TIC has a stronger hold on us than TIBF? I mean, in real life I wouldn’t tolerate hanging out with a constantly critical friend regularly. I would much rather spend time with my best friend.
But yet…sometimes we actually do spend more time with the critical friend.
I think humans don’t like to be wrong so therefore we seek out the information and validation that proves us right, even if it is self-sabotaging. The critical friend validates the insecurities and that is proof of what you believe.
The thing is, the critical friend’s criticism has nothing to do with you and it has absolutely everything to do with them.
So how do we shift to giving TIBF our ear more than TIC?
For myself, I step outside of myself and observe.
Observe the criticism around me.
Observe my TIC and when she tends to show up, like when I am tired or scared or overwhelmed or unsure.(*hint* words like should or shouldn’t are typically dead giveaways of TIC talking).
Observe when I actually tune into my TIBF and then let her in more often. Listen to what she has to say.
What does your TIBF say?
Mine says things like:
- Give yourself a break, look at all that has been going on.
- It’s ok to feel that way.
- How are you sleeping?
- What do you need right now?
- You can do it!
- Do you really believe that is the case or are you letting them influence your beliefs?
- Yes you made a mistake AND you can learn from it and move on
You may be wondering what on earth any of this has to do with simplifying and de-cluttering.
Well, how much of your clutter and chaos is created by TIC?
What influence does TIC have on that way too expensive item that honestly, has never been and never will be used (and you really don’t love it)? Does TIC tell you what an idiot you are for buying it and you damn well better get your money’s worth out of it whether you like it or not?
What guilt, or even shame, does TIC place on you in regards to your Great Grandmother’s tea set that you have never really cared for?
What would TIBF say to you, instead?
Perhaps, TIBF would acknowledge that the way too expensive item was indeed way too expensive and point out that you don’t love it or use it so why beat yourself up on a poor choice? Let it go, move on and now you have that experience under your belt to make better choices in the future.
TIBF may also confirm that the tea set isn’t your taste and that you don’t even drink tea. TBIF will also validate your deep love for your dear Great Grandmother and remind you of all the wonderful experiences and memories you have of her. She may even ask you to tell her a story about your dear Great Grandmother.
Here is my challenge to you for the next week:
Tune into TIBF’s voice more often than TIC.
Then let me know how your clutter and chaos is doing in the comments.
Keep It Simple!